Wild for You (Crave Book 2) Page 21

So I chugged a bottle of water, splashed more water on my face, and collapsed in the bed. Cam was already curled up on my bed, snoring softly.

  I'd have to tease her about that later.

  With that last sleepy thought, I closed my eyes and passed out.

  What seemed like five minutes later, my phone rang.

  Ugh. Why hadn't I turned off the ringer?

  I rolled over and felt around on the nightstand until my hand connected with the cell phone.

  And knocked it off the table onto the floor.

  "Shit," I mumbled.

  I rolled over, my head hanging off the bed, and picked it up, squinting at the screen.

  The caller ID read Colette.

  "Cam, why is your mom calling me?" I rolled back over and looked at Cam. The pillow had the indent from her head, but she was gone.

  Crap. She was gone. I looked around, glancing at the clock on the nightstand. Where in the world was she at twelve-thirty on a Sunday? I only hoped that her absence meant that she was making up with Brody and not in jail for beating the shit out of his ex.

  The phone stopped ringing before I could gather my thoughts enough to answer it. Before I could unlock the phone and call Colette back, she called again.

  "Hello?" I answered. I tried to sound alert but I was pretty sure I failed.

  "Are you sick, Sierra?" she asked.

  "No, ma'am."

  "Are you still in Dallas?"

  I frowned. Why was she asking me this? "No, ma'am."

  "Then why aren't you here for lunch?"

  Oh. Holy. Shit. I'd forgotten about Sunday lunch.

  "Um, I'm sorry, Colette. I was helping Cam with some stuff and I lost track of time."

  "We're sitting down to eat in a half-hour. I expect your behind to be in one of my dining chairs."

  "Yes, ma'am."

  "See you soon, Sierra." With that, she hung up.

  I set the phone aside and hopped out of bed in a flurry of blankets and sheets. How could Cam have let me oversleep? She knew how her mother got when we missed Sunday lunch without at least letting her know we wouldn't be there.

  And why hadn't Cam told her that I'd barely slept in three days and that I wasn't going to make it?

  Grousing to myself, I wound my hair into a bun on top of my head and rushed through a shower. I didn't have time to wash and dry it right now, so it would just have to be a messy bun day.

  The July heat was sweltering so once I was clean and dry, I slipped into underwear and a pair of light cotton shorts with an elastic waist. Since the shorts had come with a matching top, I put that on as well. The thin material and sleeveless design would keep me cooler. I brushed my teeth as I jammed a pair of black platform flip-flops on my feet. A quick swipe of mascara and lipgloss and I was as close to ready as I could be in twenty minutes.

  I settled my glasses on my nose and grabbed my phone and I was out the door.

  Luck remained with me and I made it to the McClanes' house with five minutes to spare.

  That's the thing about luck though. She's a fickle creature. One minute she'll be smiling at you with the sun shining down and the next, she's growling and snarling with a storm of wind and lightning behind her.

  I opened the door without knocking and stopped short with one foot still on the porch and the other on the welcome mat just inside.

  Ben Murphy looked over his shoulder at me from where he slouched against the wall between the living and dining rooms. His expression was unreadable, but his hazel eyes were more amber than green.

  One look and even though his position or face hadn't changed a bit, I knew he was pissed as hell.

  At me.

  The screen door slapped into my leg and I nearly stumbled when my shoe caught on the bottom edge.

  Ben didn't move to help me as he normally would have done.

  Oh, yes. He was angry. Very, very angry.

  I swallowed hard before I managed to disentangle myself from the screen door and make it inside the house.

  "Is that you, Sierra?" Colette called from the dining room.

  I cleared my throat because it was suddenly drier than the desert. "Yes, ma'am."

  "Good. Lunch will be on the table in five minutes."

  She didn't say anything else, but I couldn't move from the doorway. My eyes were locked on Ben and his gaze still hadn't left me.

  "Hey," I said softly.

  His jaw clenched and for a moment I thought he wouldn't answer. Finally, he replied, "Hey."

  Somehow, I made my feet move toward him. "Um, listen, I know I didn't call you this week but—"

  Ben jerked his head, his jaw flexing even tighter, and he interrupted me, "I think your lack of availability says more than you ever could."

  My stomach twisted at the look on his face and the chill in his words. "It's not what you thi—"

  "I'm not doing this right now," he stated, interrupting me again. Okay, that was pissing me off, but I could understand why he was upset, so I bit back my annoyance. Then, he said, "And I'm not sure I want to do it all."

  My stomach was no longer twisting, it was falling even though my body was completely and utterly still.

  Before I could gather myself enough to speak, he set his beer on the table and disappeared into the kitchen. A few moments later, I heard the back door close and his truck roar to life out front.

  But I couldn't move. I was locked in place, hurt and anger warring inside me. And just below the hurt and the anger was understanding. I'd pushed him away too hard and too long and he'd realized he didn't love me after all. I'd known, deep down, that it was going to happen. It was better that it was now rather than six months in the future, when it wouldn't just hurt but tear me apart.

  I focused on breathing through the pain in my chest and looked down. I expected to see a mortal wound, blood and bone visible beneath the rent flesh, but there was nothing but skin. And the wild pounding of my heart in my ears.

  A hand touched my shoulder and I looked up to find Colette staring at me with compassion and sadness in her eyes.

  "Come sit down on the couch, Sierra," she said, guiding me toward the sofa. Malcolm was nowhere in sight, which was just as well because he wasn't as good at handling the emotional breakdowns as Colette.

  She nudged me onto the cushions and sat next to me, taking my hand in hers. "What happened between you and Ben?" she asked.

  I blinked at her, the words taking a few seconds to penetrate the fog of pain in my heart and mind. When I finally understood her question, I answered in a hoarse voice, "He loved me and I ruined it."

  Colette frowned at me and ran her fingertips over the side of my head, smoothing the wispy hairs that had escaped from my bun. "Why do you think you ruined it?"

  I squeezed her hand as my throat threatened to close with emotion. Tears burned in my eyes but I blinked rapidly in an effort to get rid of them. "I ran away. And I didn't call him when I got into town like I promised I would but Cam—" I cut myself off. I didn't know if Cam had told her mother what was going on with Brody and his ex and I didn't want to blab if it was a secret.

  "I know what's going on with Cam and why she's not here today," Colette assured me. "Ben didn't understand?" she asked.

  I cleared my throat, trying to ease the tightness there. "I didn't get a chance to explain. This was the first time I've seen him since I left. I didn't even think to call or text him yesterday when I finished. I just...I just went to bed because I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer."

  "Of course not, sweetheart. You'd been working for days with no sleep. You needed the rest before you talked to Ben."

  "I knew it would happen," I admitted to her. "I knew I would mess it up. I've got bad karma when it comes to love. I ruin it every time."

  Colette scoffed. "That's not true. Malcolm, Cam, and I love you. J.J. does too even though he doesn't show it well. It's been years and you haven't ruined it. And Ben isn't the type of man to just walk away if someone makes a mistake. I know he acts like a bad boy,
but his heart is good. He wants someone to love who loves him in return."

  "I do love him," I whispered. "I denied it at first, because it's so damn scary, but I do."

  Colette patted my hand. "Of course you do. You two are perfect for each other. I've always thought you'd make a good pair, but the timing was never right."

  "But I messed it all up," I repeated.

  "So fix it," Colette stated as though the solution was obvious.

  "But he didn't listen when I tried to explain."

  "So make him listen."

  "But what if—"

  She shook her head at me. "Stop finding reasons to let him walk away. If you love him, you'll fight for him. No one but his brother has ever done that before. He's more like you than you realize. Look at the situation as though he thinks like you. He's protecting his heart because he's worried you won't return his feelings. If you were in his place, what would you want him to do if he loved you?"

  Her words sunk into my brain, pushing past my doubts and my fears. Past the pain.

  And right into my anger.

  He hadn't given me a chance to explain. It was something I probably would have done if I was hurting, too. I know what I would have expected. I would have expected him to leave me alone after I told him to leave, but I wouldn't have wanted it. Not deep down.

  I would want him to fight for me.

  And he had. I'd run from him every step of the way and now he thought I was running again.

  I had to prove that I wouldn't run.

  I stared at Colette. "I'm sorry, Colette. I won't be able to stay for lunch."

  She smiled at me. "That's okay, sweetie. I'll see you next week."

  On impulse, I threw my arms around her. "You know I love you, right?"

  She hugged me back tightly, the way I'd always yearned for my mother to do when I was a child. "I've always known. I love you, too."

  I kissed her cheek and I was on my feet and out the door before I could take a moment to second-guess myself.

  No second-guessing. That's how I'd screwed up so badly in the first place. It was time to listen to my heart and my heart wanted Ben Murphy.

  23

  I went to Ben's house, hoping that he would be there.

  The tension in my body dissipated just a little when I got far enough down his driveway to see his truck parked inside the garage, the door still up. He was always forgetting to shut it, but I was glad for that bad habit this time because now I knew he was home.

  I parked the car behind his truck so he couldn't leave without backing over it. Colette told me that Ben was a lot like me and my first instinct when I was hurt was to run away. The second was to get angry.

  I took a deep breath and steeled myself. I had to face Ben's anger and he was entitled to feel that way. I hadn't handled our relationship well at all and even when I decided to stop running, I still screwed up. I couldn't fault him for how he felt.

  But I could try to get him to understand before he withdrew from me completely.

  My hands were damp as I got out of the car and walked around the house to the front door. Now that I was outside, I could hear the steady thump of bass coming from the house. Ben was listening to music and it was loud.

  Though I doubted he would hear the doorbell, I rang it anyway. I waited. And waited. Then, I pounded on the door as hard as I could.

  Still nothing.

  Okay, so he couldn't hear me. I took a deep breath and tried the doorknob, but it was locked.

  Shit. Maybe I should give him some time to cool off.

  No, I needed to be honest with him. If he still needed time to think after, well, I would go back to Cam's and cry until I didn't have any tears left.

  The garage was open. Maybe he'd forgotten to lock that door.

  I walked back around the house and through the garage. This time, luck was with me and the door was unlocked.

  I hesitated before I entered. I was invading his home, right? He didn't know I was here and I was coming inside without an invitation.

  I almost backed out then, planning to go back to my car and call him later, but I couldn't. If I waited, he might never give me another chance.

  I opened the door and walked inside, shutting and locking it behind me. It would suck to get interrupted if things went better than I hoped.

  "Ben!" I called. The music continued thumping, the song winding down. As the final few beats sounded, I yelled as loud as I could, "BEN!"

  I halted in the living room as the music suddenly cut off. Ben appeared in the hallway, wearing nothing but a pair of athletic shorts, sneakers, and sweat. I handled my feelings by eating junk food and it seemed that Ben handled his by sweating them out.

  He stopped at the mouth of the hallway, the entire living room between us. "What are you doing here?"

  "I'm sorry about not calling you. Would you please let me explain what happened?"

  He put his hands on his hips. "What's there to explain? You were too scared to face me. Too scared of your own feelings. I thought I could get through to you, but it's clear I was wrong."

  I frowned at him. "That's not what happened at all. I left Dallas on Monday so I could come back and talk to you, but before I could do anything Cam called me crying—"

  "I really don't want to hear your excuses, Sierra," he interrupted. "I don't want to have to keep chasing you. I don't want to play games. I—"

  As he spoke, the anger built in me again, breaking down all my good intentions, and I exploded. "I'm not playing fucking games, Benjamin Murphy. I'm trying to tell you why I didn't call so that maybe you'll stop interrupting me so fucking much and we can talk about more important things!"

  He stared at me, his jaw flexing as he clenched his teeth.

  Before he opened his mouth to speak, I continued, "Cam asked me to help Brody. I'm sure you know that his ex was trying to use Jacks and Cam against him so she could get what she wanted, right?"

  Ben nodded, his face rigid, but he didn't interrupt me again.

  "Okay, so I'm not just good at writing programs for computers, I'm good at...other things that could help Cam and, by extension, Brody. She called me when I was on my way back Monday, crying, and she needed me. Now, I love you, but I love her too and she's more like a sister than my best friend, so I didn't think. I dropped everything to help her. I haven't seen her cry in years and she was sobbing on my shoulder. I'm sorry that it hurt you and I would handle it differently if I could go back, but I had to help my best friend. Then, we figured out what was going on and I had to help her in a different way. I've barely slept in the last three days because I wanted to do everything I could for her."

  Ben's body locked, every muscle tight, as I spoke.

  Once the words started, I couldn't stop them. They kept spilling out of my mouth. "I quit my job in Dallas on Monday because I realized that I dreaded going to work. I used to look forward to it, but that's been changing over the last year. My heart isn't in it anymore and my boss was a real asshole, so it made it much easier to see that. I planned to call you as soon as I got back and ask if I could come here so I could apologize for the way I treated you before and tell you that I was wrong. That I did want more from you than just sex." I stopped to take a breath and realized that I'd been babbling for the last few minutes. I couldn't read Ben's expression, but his jaw was no longer bunched as though his molars were clenched together.

  "I just..." I trailed off, unsure of what else I could say. If he wasn't already convinced I wasn't playing games, I didn't know what else I could put out there to make him understand. "I just missed you."

  Silence fell between us and he didn't move or speak. He was breathing hard, but I wasn't sure if it was from anger or something else.

  I fidgeted with the bottom hem of my shirt. "Would you please say something?" I asked.

  Ben cocked his head to the side. "I'm trying to figure out if you just told me you loved me in that long, rambling monologue."

  My heart gave one hard thump against my s
ternum. I had. It had flown out of my mouth without a single thought. I'd been so scared that he wouldn't give me a chance to tell him and I'd already blurted it out.

  "Uh, well, maybe," I muttered.

  Ben shook his head and looked down at his feet, crossing his arms over his chest.

  When he looked up, his mouth was slightly curved as though he were fighting a smile. "Is it true?" he asked.

  "Which part?"

  He huffed out a breath and walked toward me, sweat gleaming on his skin and his muscles flexing with each movement.

  Holy mother of God, he was a breathing, moving work of art. And it had been way, way too long since I'd been close to him. Touched him.

  He stopped less than a foot from me. "Any part. All the parts."

  I swallowed the sudden lump in my throat and rubbed my fingertips together because they were tingling madly with the need to touch him. "Every word," I confessed.

  He lunged for me then, hoisting me up with both hands on my ass. I wrapped my legs around him as he moved several steps forward. Just as my back hit the wall hard enough to make me breathless, his mouth crashed into mine.

  Who needed to breathe anyway?

  This wasn't a kiss. It was a claiming. His mouth was ravenous. Possessive.

  Mine.

  He was mine and I was his. We belonged to each other. He didn't own me nor did I own him.

  It was a gift.

  He was giving me a piece of himself and I was giving the same to him.

  His lips released mine and I gasped for breath, my chest rising and falling quickly. I hadn't realized how desperate for air I was because my need for Ben far outweighed the need for oxygen.

  His mouth found my neck, kissing and nibbling on the skin of my throat. "Put your feet down," he murmured, his lips brushing the spot just below my ear.

  I shivered at the sensation and released my grip on his hips with my thighs. His hands slid down my back, fingers dipping into the elastic waist of my shorts and underwear. They fell to my ankles with a whisper and I kicked them off completely.

  Then I was up against the wall again, in his arms, and one of his hands went between us to push down his shorts just far enough to reveal his erection.