Seasons of Sorrow Read online

  There was a knock on the bedroom door.

  “Come in,” Brandy called out.

  Charlotte was standing by the window, looking out onto the small park that ran parallel to their apartment complex. She turned to see Greg stick his head in. She smiled at him.

  “Hey,” she said. “What are you doing here?”

  Brandy poured him a glass of champagne without being asked and handed it to him as he came in the room. Greg set the glass down on the dresser.

  “Brandy, can I have a moment alone with Charlotte?” he asked.

  Her friend smiled slightly and nodded. After she slipped out of the room, Greg faced Charlotte again. He looked at her with appreciative eyes.

  “You look gorgeous. Absolutely beautiful.”

  “Thank you,” she said.

  Greg looked troubled. He rubbed his palms together nervously. Charlotte walked to him.

  “What’s wrong, Greg?”

  He reached out and took her hands in his. “Are you sure this is what you want, Charlotte?”

  She looked at him, bewildered. Where had that question come from? It was completely out of the blue. “What?”

  “Does he make you happy? For the rest of your life, will you be happy with him?”

  His questions took her aback.

  “Yes, Greg. He makes me happy. I see myself growing old with him.”

  Greg dropped his head, nodding, but stared at his feet. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Charlotte was confused. She didn’t understand what was happening. Finally, he lifted his head and cupped her cheeks with his hands, looking deep into her eyes.

  “Are you certain?” he asked. “You can be honest with me.”

  “Why are you asking me this?” He was making her so uncomfortable.

  “Your parents aren’t here to ask you this and I just want to be sure that you’ve thought it through,” he answered.

  That was sweet. Charlotte squeezed his hands as he still had hers in his grip. “I’m sure.” She didn’t share that a small voice asked her every day if she was sure she was doing the right thing. What else could she do? She loved Derek. She truly did. It was just hard to be his fiancée sometimes, but that was true of any relationship. Still, a huge part of her longed to have a family again, to have someone who would hold her at night. She had chalked up her underlying doubts to pre-wedding jitters.

  “I hope he makes all your dreams come true, Charlotte. You deserve to have everything you want.”

  Greg leaned over and gently placed his lips on her forehead. For some reason she didn’t understand, tears filled Charlotte’s eyes and she blinked furiously in an effort to hold them back. She didn’t say a word as he stepped back and left her alone in the bedroom. Without knowing why, Charlotte felt as though she had lost something special.

  She noticed Greg’s untouched glass of champagne on the dresser. She picked it up and drained it before she left the bedroom for the last time as Charlotte Dillon.

  Part Three

  Summer

  A single sunbeam is enough to drive away many shadows.

  ~St. Francis of Assisi~

  Chapter Thirteen

  July, Present Day

  The ringing of the phone brought Charlotte out of a dead sleep. She jerked upright in bed and fumbled for the hand set on the nightstand.

  “Hello?” she mumbled, still half asleep.

  “Charlotte.”

  She went rigid at the sound of Derek’s voice. Reaching out, she snapped on the lamp next to the bed so she could see the caller ID. The number was blocked.

  Charlotte hadn’t heard from Derek since before he left the country. The police had finally backed off just last week, but she imagined they would be back in full force now that her husband was calling her.

  “Where are you?” she snapped.

  “Somewhere safe.” He sounded satisfied, which only served to piss her off.

  “What do you want?”

  “Have you been talking to the police?” Derek asked.

  “Yes. Yes, I have, Derek. FBI agents came to the house to interview me. Did you think that you could steal ten million dollars, ditch our settlement meeting, and skip town with your girlfriend and it wouldn’t cause trouble?” she responded incredulously.

  “Calm down.” He sound as unruffled as ever. “You weren’t involved. They’ll see that and leave you alone after a while.”

  Charlotte felt the anger rising within her like a tide, threatening to choke her. “I’m sure that’s easy for you to say since you’re out of their reach with your girlfriend. How is Danielle, by the way?”

  “Don’t do this, Charlotte. It’s not the time.”

  Charlotte scoffed. “Then when would be a good time? When you come back to Dallas for a visit?” She paused before she continued. “How long, Derek? How long had you been screwing other women while we were married?”

  He paused. “Charlotte, you don’t want to do this.”

  “Yes, I do,” she said.

  Derek sighed. “Fine.”

  “How long?” she repeated.

  “Since our first anniversary.”

  She accepted the blow, because that wasn’t even the most important question she had. It hurt, but that pain seemed small compared to everything she had endured. Since he left her in January and then left town later, a question had been burning inside of her, threatening to consume her.

  “Okay.” Charlotte took a deep breath. She wasn’t even sure if she wanted the answer to the next questions, but she was going to ask them anyway. “Do you miss our son? Did you ever even love him?”

  There was silence on the other end for so long that she thought he might have hung up.

  “Derek?”

  “I loved him in my own way, Charlotte.”

  She didn’t speak for a moment. “Is that why you called me at one in morning on the day that is exactly six months since he died?”

  “I knew this day would be hard for you,” he said. “I thought you might want to talk.”

  “Oh, so after months of me calling you, you decide you want to talk after you leave the country?” Charlotte rolled her eyes. “Well, you weren’t around much the day of his funeral, a day I needed you a lot more, so why should I miss your presence now six months after he died?”

  “I didn’t call to fight, Charlotte.”

  “Then why the hell did you call, Derek? Did you call to see how I was doing since you left me alone to deal with the mess you made? Did you call to see if I had finally killed myself because of how badly each day hurts since our little boy died? Why the fuck did you call?” By the end of her rant, Charlotte was screaming. How could he be so cold when he left her with the ruins that used to be their life?

  “Is Greg there?” he asked.

  That odd question snapped Charlotte out of her tantrum. “What? Why would Greg be here?”

  Derek laughed humorlessly. “Because he’s been dying to get into your pants since before I met you.”

  “Are you high?” Charlotte barked. “Greg has been one of my best friends for over a decade and he’s been here every time I needed him, which is more than I can say for you. And why are you changing the subject?”

  “He never did have the courage to make his move. I listened to him talk about you almost non-stop for months in college before I finally wrangled an invitation to go out with the three of you.”

  “You’re unbelievable,” she argued. “Greg and Brandy dated for several months before they broke up.”

  Derek scoffed. “No, Greg and Brandy went on one date and realized that they would be nothing more than friends. Then Greg saw you. That was it. He was head over heels. But you were so shy that you never gave him an in. Brandy felt sorry for him and kept trying to get you two together but Greg couldn’t get your attention.”

  “You’re lying,” she snapped.

  “All those years of him getting everything I ever wanted and I finally got something he couldn’t have.”

  Charlotte’s h
eart started pounding. It dawned on her that this was the real reason for his call. He thought that she and Greg would have started a relationship by now, as if she could just put aside all the grief and hurt.

  “Then he had to watch while I married you and then while I fucked other women. He knew, the whole time, but you told him that I made you happy, that you loved me. He told me time and time again that I should appreciate you more, that you deserved the best. He was right, but this wasn’t about you. This was about him. Gregory Swift needed to be put in his place.”

  “And I was just a tool,” Charlotte murmured. This latest revelation made a mockery of her entire marriage. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that, but she did know that her feelings weren’t good.

  “You always were smarter than you looked.”

  She bit her tongue at his sarcastic remark and continued, “And the ten million you stole?” she asked.

  “Now, Charlotte, I can’t talk about that. You never know who might be listening.”

  She gritted her teeth. He was right. The authorities probably had a tap on her phones for this very reason. And, considering what he was saying about Greg, it was likely just another way for him to hurt the man who called him friend. Also, the ten million dollars he stole, combined with the money he had hidden for years, would allow him to live in luxury outside the U.S. for a very long time.

  “You know, if I had left you alone ten years ago, and let Greg flounder until he finally got your attention, Adam could have been his little boy. I wonder if he thinks about that at night.”

  Derek trailed off and Charlotte swallowed hard. She felt sick to her stomach.

  “Did you ever care about me even a little bit?” she asked softly.

  “At first, I tried. I honestly did. You were the sweetest thing, always so surprised when I did something nice or paid you a compliment. I liked that. After a while, I just couldn’t do it anymore. I like my women with a little more bite and you were so mellow. Just like when Adam was born. I tried to love him, just like I tried to love you, but I never felt everything a real father should.”

  Charlotte felt a tear slide down her cheek for her little boy. Even if Derek couldn’t love her, Adam deserved it. He was a sweet, innocent child. Derek made enough confessions for one night and none of them helped her find peace. In fact, Charlotte felt more turmoil now than she had the first month after Adam passed away. Too many thoughts were competing for supremacy in her mind. She couldn’t believe the venom and hatred Derek carried toward Greg, a man who had considered him almost like a brother. She also couldn’t believe the lack of emotion her husband held toward his child, a miracle he helped to create. She wanted to be angry, to be disgusted. Instead she only felt sorrow and pity. Pity for a man who had never learned the things that were most valuable in life. But he also didn’t deserve her pity, because he would never learn. He would always be cold.

  “Good-bye, Derek,” she said softly. “Don’t call me again unless you’re going to give me the divorce. I want nothing more to do with you.” Then she disconnected the call. As far as she was concerned, her husband no longer existed. As soon as she could get the divorce to go through, she was doing it.

  Feeling stiff and cold, Charlotte got out of bed and went into the bathroom. She turned on the shower and adjusted the water until the spray was so hot that steam began to fill the room. Then she stripped off her pajamas and got into the stall.

  Standing under the stream, Charlotte wondered if she would ever feel completely warm again.

  After her shower, Charlotte knew she wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep, so she went downstairs and made coffee. It was three in the morning on a Saturday so she decided to wait and make the calls she needed to place in a few hours. After everything Derek had said, she needed to speak to Brandy and Greg. Her husband may have many flaws, one of them being the fact that he was an asshole, but she was pretty sure that he hadn’t lied about everything.

  She was also trying very hard not to lose her mind. Today was the six month anniversary of Adam’s death. Half a year since her little man had left. As she stared into her untouched coffee cup, Charlotte decided that all the calls she needed to make could wait until after she visited Adam’s grave. She needed to be close to her baby right now.

  The sun was beginning to come up when Charlotte trudged upstairs to get dressed. She slipped on a light blue sundress and flat brown sandals before she left the house. She also didn’t bother to eat. Her stomach was in knots. Charlotte knew she wouldn’t be able to hold down food.

  The day was already heating up when she arrived at the cemetery. It wasn’t until she reached Adam’s headstone that she realized she didn’t have any flowers for her son. The ache in her heart sharpened. It was too early. No florists were open yet. She decided to come back as soon as she could with another bouquet. The daisies she brought a few days ago were withering in the heat of the Texas summer.

  Charlotte stretched out on top of his grave, staring at the sky. Sometimes, when she came to see him, she imagined that he was lying beside her, cooing to himself and listening to her talk.

  “Hi, baby boy,” she said. “It’s been six months and I still miss you like crazy.”

  It was then that she realized he had been gone twice as long as he had been on Earth. Her heart broke all over again. Tears streamed from her eyes and slid down the sides of her face into her hair as she stared at the sky and the fluffy white clouds that floated lazily across that bold blue.

  “I would give anything and everything to hold you again, Adam,” she whispered as the tears finally stopped flowing.

  Slowly, as though she were an old woman, Charlotte sat up and got to her feet. Her body felt stiff and cold even though it was getting hot. When she got back to her car, she realized she had been lying there for over two hours and it was almost ten. There were also five missed calls and eight texts on her cell. All were from Brandy or Greg.

  Charlotte ignored them and drove to the nearest Starbucks and ordered a latte with an extra shot of espresso. Without food in her stomach, she needed the caffeine to give her a boost of energy to get to the house. She drove home and pulled into her garage. Brandy and Greg were sitting in the kitchen, staring at her, when she came in through the mud room.

  She hung her purse on the hook by the door. “What are you two doing here?” she asked.

  “Where have you been?” Brandy asked, obviously angry.

  Charlotte drained the last of her latte. “You didn’t answer my question. What are you both doing here?”

  Brandy stared at her for a moment. “What’s wrong, Charlie?”

  Charlotte threw her empty cup at the cabinets and the lid popped off. The last few droplets of her latte exploded all over the kitchen. “Answer the goddamn question, Brandy! What are you doing here?” she shouted.

  Greg and Brandy both gaped at her with wide eyes. Charlotte never used to lose her temper, but, for the past few months, she had been doing so with alarming regularity. She had never thrown anything in anger until after Adam died. Now, if she wasn’t sad, she was angry and she seemed to throw tantrums at the least provocation.

  “I called you a couple of hours ago and you didn’t answer. I knew it was the six month anniversary of Adam’s death and I wanted to check on you.” Brandy’s eyes welled with tears, but she blinked them back and sucked in a deep breath. “When you didn’t answer, I…” she trailed off for a moment. “Please tell me what’s wrong.”

  Charlotte looked at her two friends and tried to speak calmly, but she knew she was failing miserably. “I got a call from Derek this morning around one-thirty. He and I had a nice long chat.”

  “Derek called?” Greg asked incredulously.

  “Yes. He had a lot to say about our marriage and the fact that he never loved me or Adam. He also mentioned that he only married me to, quote, ‘put Gregory Swift in his place’.” She stared Greg down. “Do you have any idea what he may have meant by that?” she asked.

  He didn’t
respond.

  “That’s what I thought. Was my whole marriage a lie, Greg? Did you know? Derek said he was fucking other women from the beginning.” Charlotte yelled. “Did you know?”

  Greg stood quickly, shoving his chair back so hard it toppled over. “I did. I knew and it fucking killed me.” He slammed a fist down on the table. “You told me you loved him, that he made you happy, and that’s what mattered to me. Did I want you for myself? Yes. But if I couldn’t have you, then at least I knew you would be where you wanted to be.”

  “Why didn’t you say anything?” she asked, feeling tears fill her eyes again. “All these years. Why would you have kept that a secret? If you wanted me to be happy, how could you help him hide the fact that he was unfaithful to me.”

  Brandy stepped toward Charlotte and laid a hand on her arm but Charlotte shook her off.

  Greg’s head lowered. “It was my fault. I introduced you to him. I wanted to tell you so many times but I knew there could be only one of two outcomes. Either you would blame me or you wouldn’t believe me. No matter what I did, I would lose you. I know you too well, Charlie. Pain like that,” he shook his head, “you would have cut me out of your life for doing that to you.”

  Tears dripped down her cheeks. Greg was right about one thing; she would have cut him out of her life if he told her what was happening. Not because she blamed him, but because she couldn’t stand for him to pity her.

  What killed her, though, is she would have done the same in his position. If Greg was married and she knew his wife was cheating, she would have kept her mouth shut. Because the messenger always got shot. That’s how bad news worked.

  “I can’t do this right now, Greg. I can’t see you.”

  He paled and Charlotte had to bite her tongue to keep from taking back the words. She didn’t want to hurt him, but she needed some space.

  She wiped the wetness off her face. “I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

  Charlotte could tell that Greg didn’t want to leave, but he still turned and walked out of the kitchen. Tears threatened to spill again because she realized exactly how much he cared about her. Even though it was the last thing he wanted to do, he honored her wishes.