Forevermore Page 17

  “But Gaius is dead,” Macgrath pointed out.

  “And I didn’t know that at the time,” I shot back. “For all I knew, he was traveling the earth, looking for this book or planning something truly evil.”

  “Then why didn’t you destroy it when you found out he was no longer a threat?” he asked me, his eyes flaring with anger. His irises began to glow like two emerald gemstones reflecting the sunlight.

  “Because Rhys was still alive and I didn’t know if Gaius or Rhiannon had managed to create another being like him. One that wasn’t as good or controlled,” I answered. My voice was rising. I tried to control it, but the accusatory stare he was giving me was beginning to piss me off.

  “Well, now Rhiannon will have her chance to do just that if she hasn’t already.” He straightened from the cabinets, the gentle look from earlier completely absent in his expression. He was furious and it showed. “That book was dangerous and you knew it. It should have been destroyed.”

  He was both right and wrong. I had no way of knowing what sorts of evil Gaius had created during his life. That book would have been our only protection if we ever found ourselves faced with a creature of his making.

  But he was right. I knew the book was dangerous, which was why I hadn’t told a single soul about its existence.

  “I was in a shitty spot, Macgrath. Either choice could have damned us. I took the risk and chose to hide the grimoire. It might have been a mistake, but I don’t think so.” I was practically yelling now as I stood and put my hands on my hips. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to call Savannah and see if Kerry is with her. Now that Rhiannon has the grimoire, I need to find her as quickly as possible. If Kerry is as powerful as I think she is, then she can help me.”

  Macgrath watched me silently as I spoke and he didn’t move as I left the room. I wanted to stomp or to throw something, basically have a good old-fashioned temper tantrum. I hadn’t been this aggravated with another creature in a long time. It was different than what I felt toward Rhiannon when she took Savannah. That was a killing rage, something I was familiar with.

  This was a different emotion. I wanted to yell at him, to fight with him, but I didn’t want to annihilate him. I wanted him to be there even when it was done and my anger was used up. Even though I was irritated as hell right now, in the back of my mind, I knew I wouldn’t be angry forever.

  Centuries ago, when I woke up on the bank of the stream with my past a complete blank, I’d been cold. Not just on the outside, but within. My emotions were dull, muted, and some were nearly non-existent. I had little compassion and felt no love. Not until a few months later when my daughter quickened in my belly. At the time, the rush of that emotion had nearly torn me apart. It had been like living in a cave for months, existing in absolute darkness, and stepping out into the sunlight. The love had been blinding and painful, but welcome.

  But even after that, I struggled. Joy, sadness, anger, fear…they were all foreign to me. I understood the concepts, but never experienced them. Through the centuries, the stranglehold on my emotions had eased, but I’d always felt somewhat detached from humanity.

  Until Savannah. She had breached the wall around my heart, leaving a crack.

  And Macgrath had widened it. I could practically feel the barrier between my emotions and the world crumbling.

  For hundreds of years, my stone heart lay dormant in my chest. If the stone vanished, what would my heart be made of then?

  Chapter Fourteen

  Macgrath

  “Fucking fantastic,” I muttered after Ava left the room.

  Scrubbing my face with my palms, I straightened and walked to the window that looked out into the backyard. I’d completely fucked that up.

  I knew what happened wasn’t her fault and I didn’t understand why I was blaming her.

  As I stared unseeingly out into the backyard, I couldn’t ignore the reasons any longer. I blamed her because it was easier than blaming myself. If I had done more than protect Savannah the night of Rhiannon’s showdown with Ava, if I hadn’t hesitated when it came to killing Rhiannon, none of this would be an issue now.

  I had hesitated because, as far as I knew, Rhiannon was the only other creature on this earth that knew who I was.

  But I could no longer lie to myself. Rhiannon knew no more about me than anyone else I’d ever met. Denial was the most dangerous lie because the only person you deceived was yourself.

  I couldn’t remain in denial forever. With the illusions ripped away, I realized that I could have prevented so much of the death and destruction Rhiannon had orchestrated during the last century. Instead, I’d turned a blind eye. The blood Rhiannon spilled also stained my hands.

  I was a monster. In the past, in the present, and in the future. There was no changing it or wishing it away.

  My head fell forward and I looked down at the counter. I shouldn’t be here, shouldn’t be near Ava or Savannah. I was tainted. Unclean. Like the human folklore claimed.

  My hands fisted of their own volition. I should leave, but I couldn’t.

  I’d vowed to protect her. I would see that vow through.

  For a century, I’d lied to myself. I wouldn’t let that vow become a lie as well.

  Ava and I avoided each other until after nightfall and the hour grew late. Around eleven, she walked into the living room. Her steps were quiet, nearly silent, but I pretended I couldn’t hear her. It might have been the coward’s way out but I didn’t want to look at her and see the wounded expression she wore earlier, after I blamed her for the theft of the grimoire.

  I was lying on the couch, watching television.

  “I have a couple spare rooms,” she stated softly, her voice barely louder than the television. “One down here and one upstairs.”

  Steeling myself, I turned my head and met her eyes. She didn’t look wounded or sad. Her face was just…blank. A polite mask. I hated it more than the expression she wore when we argued.

  “I’ve reinforced the wards around the house and increased my protection spells. If you’d prefer to sleep downstairs, it should be safe.”

  I hated the quiet, cool tone. She sounded detached, as though she didn’t care one way or the other.

  Yet every word was like a knife in my gut.

  Even when Ava didn’t trust me or was angry with me, she hadn’t spoken to me with that tone. When she spoke to me, her face and her words, they were alive with emotion.

  The woman looking at me now was not the same.

  “I don’t think it would be a good idea for me to sleep down here,” I stated, getting to my feet.

  She nodded, her arms lifted to cross at her waist. “That’s fine. You don’t have to go to bed now if you aren’t tired. The spare room is across the hall from mine.”

  I prepared for the impending argument as I spoke, “I’m not sleeping in the spare room. If Rhiannon was able to breach your protection before, she might be able to do it again. I’ll sleep on the lounge in your room.”

  Her eyes narrowed on me for a moment. “That’s not necessary.”

  “Probably not, but it’s not a chance I’m willing to take,” I replied with a shrug.

  I expected her to disagree, to yell at me. Instead she mirrored my shrug. “Fine. But I’m going to bed now, so…” She stopped speaking and shook her head. Without another word, Ava turned and left the room.

  I grabbed the remote, shut off the television, and headed upstairs. Her bathroom door was shut when I entered her bedroom and I could hear water running. The sound made me think of seeing her in the shower. It was hard to believe that had only been a few hours ago.

  When I woke up to find the bed empty, panic seized me, so strong and fierce that I could barely breathe. Then I heard her in the shower but the fear hadn’t eased. I couldn’t calm down until I saw that she was safe with my own eyes. That was no excuse for what I’d done. I should have glanced in and then closed the door.

  Instead, as soon as I saw her, I’d walked insid
e the bathroom and watched. She was artwork in motion. Given her short stature, I hadn’t expected her body to be so voluptuous. It made me a perverted asshole, but I hadn’t been able to look away.

  The sound of running water cut off and I dragged my mind out of the bathroom with Ava. It had been less than a day and already too much had changed.

  I sat down on the chaise and pulled off my boots and socks and then looked down at my jeans. It seemed like I would be sleeping in them.

  The door to the bathroom swung open and Ava stood there, dressed in a pair of loose cotton pajama pants and a tank top.

  “I left a new toothbrush out for you,” she stated. Her eyes dropped to my jeans. “I don’t have anything you could wear—”

  “I’m fine in my pants,” I interrupted.

  “If you get too uncomfortable, just take them off.” There was a small gleam in her eye. “I won’t peek, I promise.” As quickly as it appeared, the mischievous glint vanished and she cleared her throat. “I’ll just grab you a blanket and a couple of pillows while you’re in the bathroom.”

  I couldn’t take my eyes off her as she left the room. I didn’t understand what was happening here. She was so aloof, so distant, yet she didn’t argue about my insistence that I sleep in her room. And a spark of humor lit her gaze just a moment ago.

  Confused, I walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind me. In all my years on this earth, I hadn’t had a relationship. I’d fucked a few women, yes, but only when the loneliness became unbearable. I didn’t know how to navigate this situation, how to make things right. I’d been a complete asshole earlier and I wasn’t sure what my next move should be.

  I brushed my teeth and scrubbed my face with cold water. Finished, I re-entered the bedroom and saw that Ava was already curled up beneath the comforter in her king-sized bed. A pair of pillows were stacked against one end of the chaise and a blanket was spread over the rest.

  The room suddenly felt uncomfortably warm and the waistband of my jeans seemed tight and itchy. I hesitated and felt a drop of sweat roll down my spine. There was no way I’d be able to sleep while wearing the heavy denim.

  Without looking at Ava, I unfastened my pants and took them off, leaving them on the floor next to the chaise. She said she had no problem with it, so I would take her at her word.

  There was no sound from the bed and I wondered if she was already asleep. I climbed onto the chaise and covered my lower body with the light blanket. Now that I’d removed my pants, the air felt cooler.

  The chaise was too short, so I bent my knees and tucked my hands behind my head, staring up at the ceiling.

  “Good night, Ewan,” Ava whispered.

  The sound of my name on her lips, it was perfect. Without thinking, I blurted, “I’m sorry about what I said earlier. I know it’s not your fault that Rhiannon has the grimoire. I was angry with myself and I took it out on you.”

  Silence followed my apology then I heard the rustle of sheets as Ava rolled onto her side to face me and lifted up on her elbow. I twisted my head and our eyes met.

  “Apology accepted,” she replied. “Sleep well.”

  “Sweet dreams, Ava.”

  Her brows lifted at my words. “We’ll see.”

  I heard her settle back into the mattress, move around for a few moments until she was comfortable, and then nothing. Not long after that, her breathing grew slow and deep and I knew she was asleep.

  I turned onto my side so that I faced the bed, bending an arm to rest beneath my head. Though the room was in almost complete darkness, I could easily make out her shape on the bed. Her eyes were closed and her face was smooth and serene.

  I watched her for a long time before I closed my eyes and joined her in sleep.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Ava

  The sun was just coming up as I sat at my kitchen table and drank a cup of coffee. Macgrath was still asleep upstairs and we had a few hours before we had to be at Savannah’s. I’d called Savannah yesterday afternoon, hoping that Kerry would be with her. After I assured them both that I was fine after sleeping for a few hours, I told them we needed to meet and to plan the next step.

  I was surprised how quickly and easily I’d fallen asleep last night. I thought that Macgrath’s presence would make it difficult, but it hadn’t. Of course I had been ridiculously pleased with myself. His hesitation to take of his pants, even when I zapped him with a spell to make them feel itchy and hot, was cute. It had taken all my willpower not to laugh. But I had finally slept.

  The dreams of him never came. Instead, I slept deeply and peacefully.

  But something had still changed between us.

  After our argument yesterday, a new kind of tension now resided between us. I couldn’t name it. The same sizzling sexual awareness remained, but now there was something else, a deeper connection. A fragile bond forged by two people who had lost themselves.

  When it came to Ewan Macgrath, I had no idea what I was doing half the time. That was why I avoided him all day. I didn’t know what to say to him.

  I’d had lovers in the past, but they were few and far between. They also didn’t make me feel like this, desperate and out of control. They didn’t make me feel much at all, beyond relieving sexual frustration.

  Macgrath elicited the full spectrum of my emotions. Anger, passion, sorrow, even frustration. In the last two days, I felt as though I’d gone from living my life in shades of grey to a kaleidoscope of color.

  It was an overwhelming sensation and it sent me in a tailspin.

  I felt Macgrath’s presence hit the room a few seconds before he spoke.

  “Good morning.”

  A shiver went down my spine. His voice was rough and deep, a low rumble that I felt in the pit of my stomach. Macgrath’s early morning voice was incredibly sexy and it made me wonder what those words would feel like if he spoke them against my throat as he slid inside me.

  I shivered again and tried to hide my arousal behind my coffee mug though I knew it was pointless. Macgrath was a vampire. He would sense the rise in my heart rate and smell the changes in my body. When would I learn to maintain a spell to hide my reactions from him? Something about him made me lose my ability to think logically.

  Still, he didn’t seem to notice. Grateful, I turned my eyes away and tried to rein in my wayward body. Damn hormones. They made everything more complicated, especially when dealing with a vampire.

  I heard him pour a cup of coffee and steeled myself for his imminent proximity.

  “Do you need more coffee?” he asked.

  With my back to him, I closed my eyes and suppressed another shudder. That damned voice was going to be my undoing.

  “No, thanks,” I murmured, lifting my cup to my lips. The liquid inside was lukewarm, but I drank it anyway.

  Macgrath sat in the chair across from mine, his short hair was damp and his cheeks were rough with stubble. He looked dangerous and touchable. He also smelled delicious. I wanted to taste his skin to see if he tasted as yummy as he smelled.

  I cleared my throat and set the coffee cup down before the tremor in my hands became noticeable. “I have to head to Savannah’s in a couple of hours. Kerry and I are going to discuss our next move.”

  He leveled an intense stare at me. “I?”

  I bit back a smirk. “We.”

  Macgrath nodded and sipped his coffee. “Good. We need to find Rhiannon quickly before she tries to use the grimoire.”

  I drained my cup and stood. “I’m going to take a shower and then we can go.”

  He only nodded again and continued to drink.

  I bit back a laugh as I left the kitchen. It seemed that not only was Ewan Macgrath’s voice very sexy first thing in the morning, but he was adorably grumpy as well.

  Two hours later, we were once again seated around Savannah’s dining room table. Plates and bowls of food were spread across the table. Fruit, pastries, even a quiche.

  Even under threat, Savannah wanted to do something nice fo
r the people in her home. It was one of the things I loved about her.

  I also noticed that Macgrath switched from coffee to tea as soon as it was available and made a mental note before refocusing on the conversation.

  Kerry and I had already tried to locate Rhiannon with a scrying mirror, a crystal and a map, and several other locator spells. Just as before, none of them worked.

  Once again, Rhiannon was in the wind.

  I was both surprised and pleased with the knowledge and power Kerry possessed. In another twenty years, she would be fearsome.

  My eyes strayed to her mate, Finn, and I knew that he would turn her before then. Her power would change and grow in unpredictable ways once she became a vampire. She could become one of the most powerful witches the world had ever seen or she might become the most powerful vampire. When those two types of magic were combined, the results were often unexpected.

  Then there was the matter of Finn himself. There was no denying that the vampire had my eyes. He was the only other being, human or supernatural, that I had met with irises that color.

  I’d lived too long to believe it was just a coincidence.

  Kerry spoke, her focus on Rhys, but her voice drew my attention. I’d been distracted yesterday by everything that happened, but I hadn’t forgotten her words about my past. She knew who I was, or at least who I had been.

  Aveta.

  The name resonated within me. It was familiar, yet I didn’t understand why.

  As I studied Kerry, she turned toward me and our eyes met. I was certain that she knew the direction my thoughts had taken because she mouthed, “Later.”

  I canted my head to the side and gave a slight nod, letting her know that I accepted her request, but I didn’t intend to be put off for long. It might not be the best time for me to dig into my past, especially if it incapacitated me as it had yesterday, but I had to know.

  Two thousand years was a long time to feel like a stranger in your own skin.