Only for You (Crave Book 3) Read online

  It felt weird to talk about whether or not I felt like throwing up in front of Brody, so I changed the subject. "Are y'all done with the boxes or is there more?"

  J.J. looked toward the stack of boxes in the rear corner of the shed. "The boxes are done, but I do have to get my couch." He shot me a sideways look. "Were you serious about storing your couch and using mine?"

  "If it's more comfortable, absolutely. I bought what I could afford when I furnished this place and I'm pretty sure those cushions have someone else's butt prints permanently dented into them."

  My new husband grinned at me. "Okay, then. We'll move yours out here and cover it with a plastic sheet and get mine hauled over here today. I think you'll like it and it won't clash with your decor."

  I chuckled. "I don't have decor. I have eclectic items placed as pleasingly as possible but no themes or anything."

  "Well, your house looks nice inside and it looks like you actually give a shit about whether stuff matches or not, so..." J.J. winced when he saw my look. "What? It's okay if you don't want to use my couch, I get it. I—"

  I shook my head and bit back another sigh. "It's not that. If your couch is comfortable then I want to use it. It's just..." I trailed off.

  "She hates it when we curse," Scott said, coming up behind me and draping his arm over my shoulder. "She got it from our mom and grandmother. They both despised it when we swore."

  I nudged him with my elbow. "Only because y'all tend to use swear words the way most people use salt—liberally sprinkled everywhere."

  J.J. laughed.

  "Sorry, I know that's kinda weird," I said to J.J. "I promise not to give you a hard time like I do my knucklehead brothers."

  His eyes were warm when he stared down at me. "Well, I should probably get in the habit of not cussing now since I've heard that children often repeat what they hear their parents say."

  My face flushed. He had a good point.

  "Oh, man, now she's gonna be even stricter than she was before," Scott complained.

  I nudged him with my elbow again, a little harder this time, and he yelped.

  "Damn, Lee, that was uncalled for." My brother leaped away from me before I could get him again since he'd cursed. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I'll stop."

  "For now," I stated.

  Scott made a face at me before he turned to J.J., "You have no idea what you're in for," he warned.

  I took a small step toward him but he was ready for it and took off running, cackling the entire way. I rolled my eyes but I was still smiling.

  "Your brother is a shi—" Brody paused. "Uh, pot stirrer."

  I laughed as he wandered toward the front of the truck, leaving me alone with J.J. My husband.

  "You look rested," he commented when I faced him. His eyes lowered to my feet. "And your feet aren't swollen anymore."

  I wiggled my toes as I studied my feet. "Nope." I lifted my face back toward his. "But you could have woken me up when the circus came to town."

  J.J. smiled. "They showed up at seven. I'd just gotten up and I was drinking a cup of coffee on the porch. The only reason they didn't bother you is because I gave them stuff to do." His grin widened. "I think they planned to ruin any plans we had for staying in bed."

  I rolled my eyes but I was smiling, too. I was glad that he found my brothers' idiocy amusing because he was going to be stuck with it for at least a year, maybe two. I also knew that they were hoping to interrupt morning nookie since they didn't realize J.J. and I weren't in a "traditional" marriage.

  "I wouldn't put it past them. They're buttheads."

  "Jay!" Scott called from the front of the truck. "We have time to help you bring over your couch. Are y'all moving Lee's crappy one out here?" he asked.

  I wasn't offended because it was a crappy couch. When J.J. looked at me, he asked, "Are we good to move your couch out and mine in?"

  "We're good," I answered.

  He leaned down and gave me a quick kiss on the forehead before brushing the tip of his nose against mine. It was sweet and made my breath catch.

  "Stop smooching my sister and get your butt in here to help with this couch!" Robert yelled as he headed toward the house.

  I was still struggling to find my breath when J.J. disappeared inside with all four of my brothers and Brody. Why it took all of them to move a couch that I'd managed to load into a truck with only my mother for help, I didn't know, but at least they were no longer threatening his safety.

  A few moments later, I realized that one of my brothers hadn't gone inside. Scott came around the back of the truck and stopped in front of me.

  "Hey, little sister," he said.

  "Hey, big brother."

  His brow puckered as he studied me. "I don't usually like to pry into your personal life—" he started.

  I had to snort. Good God, that was a whopper of a lie if I'd ever heard one.

  Scott sighed. "Okay, so I pry, but in this instance, I normally wouldn't say anything because, as your brother, it should make me happy."

  I frowned at him. "What are you talking about?"

  He mulled over his words before he finally said, "The fact that J.J. is sleeping in the guest room. I mean, I get that the baby wasn't planned or anything, but he's not...I don't know, punishing you for getting pregnant, is he? Because you know me and the boys will straighten his ass out for you."

  I sighed. It appeared one of my brothers had noticed the state of affairs. Considering Scott was in law enforcement, I wasn't surprised he'd caught on. He saw everything.

  "He's not punishing me," I answered. "He's the one who wanted to get married and I'm the one that balked, so he offered to sleep in the guest room while we figure out exactly what we're doing and how we're going to handle all of this."

  Scott blinked at me for several seconds. "He wanted separate bedrooms?" he asked, vivid shades of incredulity in his tone.

  "As you pointed out, this is none of your business," I said.

  "Wait, no, I just don't understand what's going on. Are you guys really married or not?"

  Ha! I'd like to know the answer to that one myself. Instead of saying that, however, I answered, "We're married. I'm just not sure we're going to stay married after the baby gets older."

  My brother straightened his spine, rigid and full of righteous anger. "Is he already talking about divorce?"

  "For crying out loud, Scott, no, he isn't. I am! I'm the one who's pregnant, without insurance, and still in grad school. I don't even have a full-time job. I'm not exactly a great catch and I don't want Jay to feel like he has to stay with me for the sake of the baby. I don't want to trap him into a marriage he doesn't want and I don't want to be stuck with one either. We weren't exactly dating when I got pregnant so I don't even know if we can tolerate living with each other in the long term. We're figuring it out as we go, which is probably the smartest choice, and it's none of your darn business, so BUTT OUT!"

  Scott rocked back on his heels as I rose on my toes so my face was right in his. Then, he stepped back and stuck his finger in his left ear and jiggled it. After a few moments of silence, he finally said, "You're right. It's not my business and I'm sorry I upset you."

  I stared at him in shock. I think this was the first time I'd ever heard my brother admit that he was wrong about anything. Or apologize to me.

  "But I happen to disagree with at least part of what you said." He reached down and took my free hand. "You are a great catch. Any man would be the luckiest, pardon my language here, sonuvabitch on the planet to be married to you. I'm still not even sure there's a man on this planet that deserves you because you're probably too good for all of us. So get that thought out of your head, okay?" He squeezed my fingers as he spoke.

  "Okay." I exhaled, long and slow. "Sorry I yelled at you."

  He grinned. "It's okay. I figure your hormones probably have a lot to do with it."

  He was so, so lucky I was out of tea because he would have been wearing the cold remains of it in that moment.
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  "As opposed to being upset by the fact that I have four nosy, bossy, annoying brothers who think they have a right to question everything I do?" I asked sweetly, batting my eyelashes at him.

  Being a reasonably intelligent man with experience in people planning violence against his person, Scott released my hand and took two huge steps back away from me.

  "Uh, that's right. I'm just, um, going to see if they need any more help inside," he stated before he practically ran into the house.

  I looked around my yard and peered into my storage shed. It was a little strange to have everyone over here on a weekend. Until recently, I typically only saw my brothers at family events like birthdays, holidays, and the occasional barbeque or weenie roast. Once in a while, I'd get a phone call or run into them in town, but this was the first time they'd taken a real interest in me since they'd graduated high school.

  As irritating as they could be, I was touched by their efforts to help me.

  I laid a hand on my belly where my baby was growing. It was the first time I'd really acknowledged its existence. Between the stress of school and worries about money and medical care, I hadn't given a lot of thought to what a miracle a baby was. Especially one that had been conceived despite the fact that J.J. and I had used condoms every single time we'd had sex.

  "You're a miracle in more ways than one, jelly bean," I whispered.

  14

  Within a couple of days, J.J. and I settled into sort of a routine.

  He was an early riser, just like I was, though he tended to exercise in the morning, and I liked to work in the garden before the heat of the day hit. Not that I minded seeing him come back from his run shirtless or using the weights he'd brought over to the house.

  We ate dinner together both nights. And on Sunday night, as he had done the week before we got married, J.J. cooked several healthy dishes and portioned them out into meals for his lunch for the upcoming week and he'd done the same for me. I helped as much as he would let me, but since my feet had swollen up so badly on Friday, he wanted me to sit down and put them up as much as possible. I tried to explain that the swelling was from being on my feet all day in those heels, but he was insistent I rest.

  It was strange to spend so much time sitting down when I was usually up and going all weekend long, either for work or with household tasks that needed to be caught up on.

  We both went back to work that following Monday, which again, seemed a little strange after the weekend. There were moments that the entire situation seemed unreal.

  One example was Monday morning when J.J. walked into the kitchen, dressed for work. I was munching on toast and drinking tea when he came in and set about packing his lunch.

  "Morning," he greeted, his voice pitched low and still a little rough with sleep.

  "Morning."

  Once his lunch was packed, he set the bag next to his briefcase in one of the chairs and made coffee with the single-cup maker.

  "Want some eggs?" he asked.

  I had to laugh. He'd asked me that every morning since Saturday and the answer was the same today as it was the first two.

  "No, thanks."

  "You need protein," he replied.

  "I'll get it when I have lunch and dinner," I shot back. "You made sure of that by making them for me."

  It was his turn to laugh. "Fair enough. Do you have something against scrambled eggs?" he asked. "I could have sworn you used to eat them all the time as a kid."

  I shook my head. "I don't have anything against them, usually, and I did eat them all the time as a kid. My stomach is still a little queasy in the mornings so tea and toast are about all I can handle. I promise I'll let you make me eggs at some point. Just not for breakfast."

  J.J. grinned as he got a pan out of the cabinet. Over the weekend, he'd managed to familiarize himself with most of the kitchen. Granted, it was a tiny kitchen with only a few cabinets and the pantry, but he took the time to figure out where everything was.

  It was something I noticed about adult J.J. that hadn't changed much from teenage J.J.

  When he was interested in something, he learned what he could about it.

  Which was also why he started bringing me dinner or taking me out for dinner every night that I worked at Crave after Monday. Once he realized that I was eating a sandwich and fruit for lunch and the meals he'd prepped for dinner, he started showing up at the shop with food.

  I really wanted to be irritated at him but he made it impossible. Rather than bossing me around or trying to wheedle me into doing what he wanted, he did something nice.

  It was a tactic that worked because my mother had hammered the concept of manners into me from a young age.

  Friday night was a good example. He showed up with homemade tomato soup, grilled ham and cheese sandwiches, and the news that I was officially on his insurance.

  "I brought my dinner, you know," I said as we sat in Cam's office. She'd told me to go back there and put my feet up while I ate.

  I wasn't sure if she'd gotten it from J.J. or he'd gotten it from her.

  "I know," he said, pulling out two containers of soup and foil-wrapped sandwiches. "I thought it would be nice to have dinner together."

  "Every night this week?" I asked.

  "Too much?"

  I studied him for a moment. He seemed genuinely interested in my answer so I was honest. I would have been honest regardless, but I was less guarded in my reply.

  "No, not too much. Just...unexpected."

  He leaned back in the chair he'd brought over to the little table in front of the couch. "What did you expect?"

  I had to shrug. "I didn't expect anything. I wasn't sure how involved we were going to be with each other. We didn't exactly discuss it or lay out terms other than we were getting married and staying that way until the baby was born."

  "I thought we agreed that we'd be open with each other," he said.

  "I thought that's what I was doing."

  He smiled. "I guess you have a point. Are you opposed to being involved with me while we're married?"

  It was my turn to smile. "That's an odd question, isn't it?" When he nodded, I continued, "I'm not opposed to being involved with you. Or having dinner together."

  "What about when you make your doctor's appointment?" he asked.

  "What do you mean?"

  J.J. rubbed his hands together. "Well, I know I told you I wanted to be here for you during the pregnancy and after the baby is born, but I never asked you how you felt about me being with you when you go to the doctor."

  "Do you want to be there?" I asked.

  He nodded.

  "Then, we need to figure out how to make it work." I leaned forward and rested my elbows on my knees. "I don't want to keep you away, Jay."

  "You have definite boundaries, Lee. And sometimes it's difficult for me to tell where they are without asking."

  "I know. I'm trying to be more upfront about what I'm thinking and feeling, but there are things I'm not sure you'd want to hear."

  His head cocked to the side. "Like what?"

  I laughed. "For starters, this entire week has been odd for me. Distant and surreal, as if it's happening to someone else. A few weeks ago, we only spoke in passing or through texts and suddenly we're married and in each other's space all the time." He frowned but I forged ahead so he would understand. "I'm not complaining. I'm telling you how it feels...to me. It's not necessarily a bad thing, just a little unsettling because I like to have a plan. You know this about me. It's been my "thing," for lack of a better word, since I was a kid. Lists and plans keep me sane." I paused and saw that he was no longer frowning. "And you haven't exactly told me how it feels to you either. I thought we agreed the sharing thing would be mutual?"

  It was his turn to laugh. "True, true. I guess...well, I'm mostly worried about pissing you off."

  "Um, what?"

  J.J. continued to smile. "Don't look all offended, please. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm very aware that I
'm in your space and in your life under duress and I don't want you to realize that you don't really want me there and throw me out on my ear."

  I suddenly felt sick to my stomach and it wasn't because of morning sickness. "Is that why you've been doing all this..." I trailed off and gestured to the food on the table.

  He shook his head. "No, no. You need to eat good food and at least three times a day. It's not that much more work to meal prep for two than it is one. In fact, it's easier because I don't waste as much." He sighed. "What I mean is that I want to be exactly where I am and I understand that this wasn't exactly what you were planning when we hooked up after Cam's wedding."

  "You wanted to be married?" I asked, more than a little incredulous.

  "No, not that. I wanted to be in your life. I wanted to see you, get to know you, and see where that led." He huffed out another laugh. "I got a whole lot more than that and so did you, but I want us to make the best of it if we can."

  "So you wanted to date."

  "I'm pretty sure we talked about this already," he pointed out.

  I nodded and waved a hand at him. "I know, I know, it just didn't sink in at the time because I was a little preoccupied."

  He was still smiling, as affable and laid back as ever.

  "Do you ever get angry?" I asked him.

  He shrugged his shoulders. "Sometimes. I'm pretty sure you've seen it once or twice."

  I shook my head. "No, I don't think I've ever seen you mad at anyone."

  "I used to get mad at Cam a lot. But, mostly, I've learned that anger isn't worth the effort. If something rubs me the wrong way, I speak up. If the other person is willing to be reasonable and discuss it, then we work it out. If not, and I'm able, I walk away."

  My eyes burned and my chest ached. That sounded like something my father would say. And considering I thought he was a pretty darn good dad, it made me happy to hear that J.J. thought that way.

  It also made my heart open to him a little more.

  God, if he kept this up, I'd fall in love with him and end up begging him to stay with me forever by the time the baby was born.